58/365

Warning: You may proceed to click the X button on the top right of your screen if my life is an absolute bore to you.

Don't know if it's just me but the idea of having expectations leading to greater disappointment has such relevance in my life. The feeling of inadequacy, the feeling of being a "control master " that wants everything to absolutely go her way, it all boils down to the root cause of it - expectations.

Having the thought that I'll be able to see you first thing in the morning of the 28th each month (and other days), makes my day be it in school or on a weekday, thinking that you'll be watching me present (makes me wanna give in an extra 20%) tomorrow and wanting to make you proud, or being able to meet you during my breaks on various school days (our timetable no longer have the same breaks) all these expectations piled after one another - turned into disappointment the moment you said you were't coming to school tomorrow. I know, and i completely understand that you've still not recovered from today and still feel weak etc but it's just really sad and disheartening for me to know that whatever I look forward to will never happen. The drive I had relied on to last me from the start of the week till Thurs - gone. Do you ever know how much that hurts??????? Don't know whether I'm crying over this because of my stupidity for expecting so much or because I'm just plainly disappointed that things won't happen the way I have expected it to.

Can safely say that I've spent too much time with you that I can no longer adapt to not seeing you for at least a day (which i totes understand why your friends would call you a *** and that, i will blatantly ignore) But that's partially also because I love you so much and seeing you makes my day so much more brighter it really does gets me going. Cliché it is but damn it's true.

But life sucks and here I am, attempting to get used to the drastic change but sometimes I really wish I would be able to get back the same much I put in. As much as I disgust my competitive nature i can't help but to expect the same back (trying to tell myself to stop setting so much expectations) and rather let things take its own course but it's never that easy to do than to say. Some of you probably think I should just get ahead with life and quit being such a clingy gf who is crazily in some puppy love shit with her bf and not let insignificant things affect me but that pang of disappointment affected me that bad and I really DOWNRIGHT detest it when things don't go the way I want it too (sorry for sounding so singlishy can't be the least bothered to edit my grammar etc to make myself blend in with the perfect-eng-with-excellent-vocab blogs)

I know I myself isn't perfect either, probably caused many disappointments in life i'm sorry to whoever I've disappointed i totally know how it feels to have disappointed myself

Arghhhh just really ZZzzZzzZ at my own unfulfilled expectations I'm on the verge of calling it a night and sleeping my sorrows away and wake up to hopefully, something different. But nope, here's to spending the night with Lit and Geog *cheersss*

On the flip side, happy one-day-in-advance 10th month babe <3 I still love you more each day and I hope I made the right decision for friday.

55/365

55/365

If anyone ever asks me what part of my life you are, I will look at them and smile and say, “The best part.” The happiness you give me is something I’ll never be able to get enough of. I love having you in my world, and I love having you to love.

54/365

So tired from this week which consisted of lessons and 5 trainings and 2 pe sessions (i will not complain) and maybe a lil bit of running to the caf to be the first few to buy my food (CAF TOO CROWDED WHAT TO DO) with A DIV AT STAKE willing to give my all!!!!

Settled the team shirt and shorts with D today, super super stoked!! But if only we're getting new suits too :-( Caught a glimpse of xxx's design (sch name shall not be disclosed) and theirs is really really intricate and simple which turned out really good!! Shall continue to sulk at the cannot regret decision of not changing suit design this year now :-(

Grateful for the opp to have good food and good company today thank you uncle!!! :-) Alas got our spectacles changed (finally don't have to force myself to wear contacts to sch on days when i have a stye in my eye zzzzz)

On the flip side..... really miss having khun pa (aunt) in singapore :-( Miss coming home after trainings to home cooked food (cos nothing beats home cooked meals esp yours), miss you calling me up at 7/8pm just to rush me home, miss you waking me up for school everyday, miss you always staying up till 12 before my birthday (when you usually sleep at 11) to be the first to wish me happy birthday annually, miss you scolding me and the list goes on and dates back to the day i was born. Hope you are doing well in Bangkok, would love to visit you but A's is being a prick i will see you soon? You're prolly the only one I'll never stop crying for whenever I think about you. If only I could write thai and email this to you, I would. Or maybe i'll record myself and email it to you. Want you back here but nooooo i have to be independent :-'( Kit teng pa yer yer na, ruk khun pa tee sot. <3

Here's to an awkward ending:

50/365

Cause
Someday things will be perfect
It'll be worth it all this time
Stuck in the middle
I know things will get better
Hold it together
Take your time
Stuck in the middle

48/365

46/365

"Let’s set the record straight. No one makes me smile like you. The thing is, you make me happy. You walked in when it seemed like the rest of the world walked out. You were there. You are there. I never need to pretend when I’m around you, when I’m talking to you, when I’m with you. You’re hilarious; you make me laugh, like, all the time. You seem to pick up that something’s wrong before anyone else does and you know exactly what to say to make it all okay, and even if it’s only for a little while, it helps. The thing is, I love you. Thank you, for everything."

45/365

Happy 16th Aloyyyyy!!

Pictures from the past week because I truly believe in a picture paints a thousand words ha ha. Will find time to update this space soon pretty busy with presentation and tests and work and BTs coming up and trainings and pe and morning swims and my life...... Valentine's Day tomorrow and............. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO TIME TO BAKE

Miss those loving and carefree days in IJ SJC, esp during V day :-"(

Will be back on bgspot rlly soon! Have a great week ahead :-)

P.S. I love you.

35/365

"I think we spend too much time wondering why we’re not good enough. We waste too much time putting ourselves down, that we don’t ever stop to see that we are good enough. We spend too much time with our heads down and hearts closed, and never get a chance to look up from the ground and see that the sun is shining and tomorrow is another day."

34/365

The day we met
Frozen I held my breath
Right from the start
I knew that I found the home for
My heart to fall
Watching you stand alone
All of my doubts
Suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

34/365

The hardest tears
are the ones that speak from the heart

33/365

Visuals from the week!