149/365 day 1 post op

Been waking up countless of times in the middle of the night to get my blood pressure measured and blood drawn. It's just so uncomfortable to move around sigh and I'm having trouble even just going to the toilet and straining my neck but yea that's about it just a little bit of pain here and there with the two tubes coming out of my throat. :-( this hollow feeling inside my throat....... Nvm I'm glad its over.

All I could remember was the GA specialist talking to me about how she miss being a Saint and talking about rugby etc and the last I heard was "up and on!" and I'm out. Scariest part was being rolled into the OT where I couldn't stop shivering cuz it was damn cold + nervous all over. Woke up all woozy and slightly nauseous in the recovery room with oxygen up my nose to help me feel better and I was off drips immediately ph-ew!!! 

Hoping it'll get a lil better today and have the tubes removedddd it's such a hindrance..... I dread the time I have to remove it pretty much coz i think it's gna hurt... 

Ok so I'm super thankful that the surgery went well thanks to everyone that was praying for me :-') and the encouragements I got, means a lot and I appreciate all of them ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ

Hahaha peace out xx 

147/365

Missing you poopy pie hahaha (if you ever see this seets) meet up when I'm up and well, promise!!!

Still remember the days when we would meet at Compasspoint aft school then do all sorts of rubbish which includes tuition LOL and trainings and doing weird (yet mindblowing) videos with yenton at my place and our major work outs/swim trainings! (oh the healthier dayssss)

Pretty cool to see how kids (us at that time) from diff schs meet haha can't believe you're like what, 23 y/o now?!? One of the few who saw me grew up + nags at me like a mom and even ferried me home from sch hehh (perks of being old you get to drive). Anw this post isn't enough to sum up how much I've missed you so SEE U REAL SOON, w yenton too!!! :-) ❤

143/365

Packed my whole entire room today that includes shifting mattresses around sweating like shit just in one room. Can't wait till the June holidays where the brother and I would be getting our combined wardrobe and a new coat of paint for our roommm (yes we share a room :-() Chanced upon this score sheet for NAPFA last year while packing and wtf last year was my ultimate peak was 53kg srsly what the hell man....................... Still rmbed aft height and weight with Cass last year we were freaking out when we saw how much we gained hahah #goodtimes

Pretty satisfied to see myself shed 4/5kg off that + kill 1 min off my 2.4km this year, really really thankful for the intense commando trainings during pe at the beginning of the year haha altho I complained a lot I'm pretty glad the girls and I survived through it! Thankful our pe's just games everyday now phewwww 0:-)

Time for an episode of Criminal Minds before starting on work tonight. Have a good weekends :-) xx

P.S. just ordered a dress from f21~~~~ ^_^

142/365

Technically my last day in SA tomorrow until I head back in July, hopefully healthier, a survivor and free from thyca :-) Gonna miss everything / everyone / school food / pe lessons... / brisk walking to sch like crazzzy / thick-skinnedly taking free tissues from the pop caf / blasting music in class during breaks..... etc

Pretty sure everyone's feeling stressed out from life/school or something are wearing them down these days butttttt there'll always be sunshine after the rain so... hang in there things will definitely get better as long as you keep going and never doubt yourself or hold yourself back from doing greater things. xx ❤

140/365

MISSING MY POLO / HOT BABES WHICH APPARENTLY EVERYONE SEEMED TO HAVE LOST WEIGHT AFTER SEASONS ENDED...

139/365

I have completely spent my whole Sunday trying to clear this work load which teachers blatantly dump on us (including an essay which a teacher threw it to us to do just because we didn't manage to plan it finish on time...) to complete them thinking that we only take their subjects but the truth is, we don't and just so you know, geography itself is split into human and physical components thus it's double the work each week and speaking of geog have I mentioned that I have H2 econs and geog paper together on the same day for the upcoming exams are they out of their mind....??? (No that's life shut up Alex) The countless number of essays the rhythmic flows of our hand moving just to fill the empty pages up with occasional pauses to shake the lactic acid off is absurb - but that's just a reflection to how life is. Just give me a few minutes to rant on my personal space about how I'm so unlucky in life (let's just say i'm the shortest tree amongst all the tall trees and yet lightning could still strike me first despite being the shortest). I know that I can never be that unlucky as compared to malnutritioned kids in the LDCs etc but ya you get the drift. Pretty much since young I'm never the kind of person with good grades / good looks / bagging home all the trophies and medals around my neck (i am hereby not seeking attention and I am not seeking self pity). I can only be grateful for getting into SA by DSA and being able to meet the nicest and loveliest bunch of classmates and cca mates and friends but just as I thought I could be using this June to buck myself up from the horrendous BT1 grades, I had to be diagnosed with the shittiest things on earth and having to spend the whole June holidays going through the process of torture (also known as recovery). I do believe in the saying that God always has a plan for you and when a door closes, another one opens yet no matter how much people (even the doctor) ressured me that studies isn't everything and how I can always take a hiatus off sch, the cold hard truth is that I'm always so weak. The mention of school work always brings me close to tears - you have no idea how hard it is just to survive school and having to go through an additional year, it's gonna be another year of torture and plans being pushed back... My thoughts are so incoherent ugh please pardon my horrible english.

Can't seem to focus on completing any work today at all, my thoughts occasionally drift to us, cancer, the after effects, the treatment, school, lagging behind; everything. The next thing I know I'm staring straight at instagram on my hand searching the hashtag #thyca - I don't know what scares me the most. The pain of the surgery / process of recovery / having to be on medication for the rest of my life, or the pain of knowing that I might never be the same way I am now. I'm only 18 for pete sake and there's so much more I wish I wasn't robbed of.

Nevertheless I thank everyone for your constant encouragement/support in which I really appreciate every.one.of.them. 

I do hope that when I chance upon this entry in the far future with my life all settled (probably basking in the sun in my balcony at sentosa cove ha ha who am I kidding but a girl can dream, can't she?), I'll be able to share with everyone I meet in my life how this whole episode has made me a stronger person.

ทุกวันคิดถึงป้า 

ไม่มีคนความสะดวกสบายฟ้า :-'(

138/365

One of the fav few from my tumblr (credits to respective owners, I do not own these)

"Keep your face to the sunshine and you will never see the shadow."

- Helen Keller

137/365

Monday - school / celebrated Alvi's 18th / results of MRI out / scheduled to go for a PET scan the next day at 830

Tuesday - PET scan at Paragon (major long and pee-FULL process) / H&M & F21-ed alone while waiting for sis to meet in town / eighteen chefs for brunch / walked around taka / home

Wednesday - school / PET scan results / officially going for a full thyroidectomy & clearing of windpipe surgery on the 28th May (really hope i dont have to go for another one for the lymph nodes next time :-() / pre medical check up scheduled the next day / rushed to Sengkang hockey pitch - match postponed...

Thursday - school / burnt my whole evening at TTSH getting all the tests done / dinner at pizza hut yums / drinking soursop (GOOD FOR KILLING CA CELLS) 

Friday AKA today - school / home / town to exchange shirt & got a new bunny soft toy 

Gna get judged badly but ain't gna give a shit ^_^

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." 

- Eleanor Roosevelt

134/365

The battle with thyroid cancer begins. 

Although a part of me wishes that it is all a dream.

“Today we fight. Tomorrow we fight. The day after, we fight. And if this disease plans on whipping us, it better bring a lunch, 'cause it's gonna have a long day doing it.” 

― Jim Beaver

133/365

Some encouragement from my friends/relatives which goes a long way.

Isaiah 55:8-11

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways, my ways declares The Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bus and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it"

Isaiah 41:10

"Fear not, for I am with you;

Be not dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you,

Yes, I will help you,

I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. "

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

 In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths."

I will get better, everyone's in this with me and I'm really blessed to have everyone's support it means a lot.

133/365 #Lastfridaynight

Fang Min's 18th at Mu Palour 

And happy sweet blessed 18th to one of the greatest friend, Alviiiiiiiii :-) ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

"Pain and struggle's only the dark before the morning"

129/365

Tomorrow.

The fragility of life scares me
While there are people out there are fighting for their lives;
others chose to take their own lives
and some are still hanging onto the different million possibilities that lies ahead of them.

I am honestly afraid, I mean who isn't afraid of whatever that could possibly lead to an earlier death? Praying that everything will turn out fine for the results tomorrow.

Disclaimer: I am a queen of exaggeration.

127/365

#whatpubertydidtome #backinthailand #babyfatzoverload #iusedtoeatdurians?!?!

127/365

First appointment today and I wasn't the slightly bit prepared to have a black tube going down my nostril to my throat (scope) and having cells injected out of my throat's lump (biopsy) on the very same day. Robbed my entire Tuesday morning away and headed back to complete the econs test during the AP despite the crestfallen mood #modelstudentplz Results ought to be out next week but judging by the looks of the doctor it scares me to think about the million possibilities that could happen................................

Whatever, I'll take whatever that comes along, like a man.

---

"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.” 

 ― Gordon B. Hinckley

Hope. 

126/365

Missing my bestf who's in Exeter so badlyyyyy. Promise I'll be there at the end of the year to visit - you gotta bring me out!!! :-) ❤❤❤

124/365

Pictures from the weekkkk! (Mostly from my lovely friends forever photojacking my phone camera tskk, much love for you guys still ❤❤)

Monday - TYPICAL SCHOOLDAY #1
Tuesday - Typical schoolday #2, home early to make 2 more batches of jellies for Ms Croy's farewell, farewell @ Huimin's place at yck (lovely place :-) thanks for offering!)
Wednesday - LABOUR DAY (homework/catch up with work day pshh)
Thursday - HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY JAC :-)
Friday - Shakespeare In The Park - Othello @ Fort Canning with the (almost) entire lit student body. Play was a pretty good job well done by the Singapore Repertory Theatre!
Sat - Tuition & finally caught Iron Man 3!!!

Need to buck up/find more motivation/start.sleeping.early. I have no idea how I am able to last everyday with only 3 hours of sleep. Anyway good job to soccer/rugby/tennis/hockey/netball for their matches on Friday :-) Press on for the rest of your matches. THE END IS NEAR!

Btw does anyone have any good white spots cream to recommend? Please do tell me....... Fungi infested face's desperately calling for SOS...... And the thyroid lump doesn't seem to be getting any smaller (grossing you out with a pic of it!) either can't wait for appt on tuesday to fix it.

And thanks to the dearest & sweetest bf for getting me a Tiff&Co necklace for our anni :-))) Can't be ever more grateful to have you here (minus the times you make me sad...) Thanks for always tolerating my rubbish/mood swings/rage fest you mean the world to me :-) ❤❤❤